Tv show

The night comes and the tv lights up the room. 

And it is right now when I become aware of the darkness within my skin. I even feel it in my stomach.. in my eyes.. in my entire life.  I am surrounded by ego-players and separatness, no matter where I go, I can feel their presence all around. There is not exit out. The tv show always stays on. Darkness is everywhere.

Does that it belong to me?

And while I wonder.. the darkness keeps playing.

It comes and goes among the parties. Separate bodies fight to win. I sense the energy floating around and the superficiality within them. "It could be that easy to transform it.." I say to myself with despair..

Does it belong to me?!!

Then I turn my face and see a new ray of light coming from outside of what apparently it was a locked room. I follow it and it distracts my look from the original show. 

The hugeness of the universe quietly has appeared in scene, to calm me down.

"I adore you" it says, and I suddenly feel safe. "Just be.. just observe..just adore..", it keeps saying, so I gratefully remember myself. 

Contemplating this source of energy.. I think of how wonderful my life turns out when masks are uncovered.  When the characters I have played along during the tv show come outside their jail. 

Beautiful nakedness.

I have filled up myself with knowledge (from any source) most of my life, believing it would improve who once I though I had to be, but actually.. by doing that, I have been running away from my esence, my sensibility, my innate beauty.

Knowledge becomes beliefs, which can play many tv funny shows. "I feel clever because I know, because I have studied, because I have read, because I have seen.."But they also take away the power of experiencing, the power of simply being, the power of humaness. I could keep writing, reading, seeing.. forever. And I could explain all my theories and discuss them among friends.. but if I don't go out there and live, I will never experience what all I think  I know it is really about. I will be playing a role, trying to solve what it can not be solved within the blind happiness of a tv show .

So, what are the ego-parties discussing about? What is really that tv show about? They invent discussions to keep themselves entertained, uncounciously they are keeping their faces looking straight and far away from the lights which are coming from outside their room.

I suffer the darkness of awareness. So yes, it does belong to me. But, it does not define me. It is just a script it once was  written by someone I defined as myself. And for some reason, and so far, that script and others players script I keep tripping on, seem to me now meanliness and ridiculous, and they still sometimes hurt so much.  

I let the darkness be though, because it does not control me anymore. I conciously choose the nakedness of my soul. 

:)